DEPTH OF ACTING

"Acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances."

—Sanford Meisner

"There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says 'Morning, boys. How's the water?' And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes 'What the hell is water?' ... The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are the hardest to see and talk about."

—David Foster Wallace

I have been preoccupied with preparing Shakespearean monologues since my last post. In this process, I am reflecting on authenticity and truth. Acting has allowed me to profoundly accept that my own truth is changing under fixed imaginary circumstances. Where the thoughts of my character were locked in at one instant, causing me to act one way on Saturday will be different, even if parallel, the same instant at the Sunday matinée. In other words, I am better at regulating my fucking anxiety.

Living truthfully is stripped of the narratives that describe complexity, which lead to actions that feel stale and stripped of complexity and richness that is found in presence. Under imaginary circumstances, be careful that you are not becoming imaginary.

You. You are not becoming fused with the images, becoming a mechanical display of fixed dynamics in frameworks manufactured by imagination that chain you to your circumstances.

Understanding this nuanced difference has freed my truth from being a moment ahead of the present, when it is not my intention to act this way. This awareness has helped me break free from the previously tethered, paranoic, and recursive pondering of ‘am I being perceived as acting in my lived truth?’

I have heard people use the words "bad acting" in the context of criticism and judgement. Or label so-and-so a "bad actor." I have had people ask me if I am a "good actress" when I tell them I am applying to MFA programs. At this point, I become defensive and swallow the urge to explain acting on a deeper level, while my nervous system is communicating danger to me because I feel unseen.

The concept of "bad actor" vs. "good actor" dismisses depth, meaning, and truth.

What we see played out on the screen or at a theater is a projection of our own psyches. Our judgement that labels something "bad" or "good," in this case the actor himself who is acting (but it could be anything, such as the set, the props, the lighting cues, dynamics), is worth examining. These are symbols. The way we judge the actions of others often highlights our own thoughts and their characteristics, which invoke emotions that arise in parallel circumstances of our real lives.

In this case, when our brain wants to quickly collapse and categorize something as "bad" or "good," we are protecting ourselves from fear. The fear is one that is confronted through the introspection of our actions in our private lives. This split highlights our discomfort with our own acts under real circumstances. These circumstances have likely been imagined and shaped by someone else, unexamined by our truths.

We slip into cognitive distortion and protect ourselves from the painful reality that our compliance is solidifying frameworks of systems that co-create a society of "bad actors," living untruthfully. It is not a matter of whether this state itself is "bad" or "good." It is a matter of whether we are living truthfully.

This is an opportunity to be reflective in the pursuit of a truthful reality. A reality in which we live truthfully, breaking free from the judgements that are protecting us from difficult truth and building barriers to embodied freedom. As we begin to implement our reflections, we are able to change the circumstances under which we are acting untruthfully.

Indeed, reality reflects us.